i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
