Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
