everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize