Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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