Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
