Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
