I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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