Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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