I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
