WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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