is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
