Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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