The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
