Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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