A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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