I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
