You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
