I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
