He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
