you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
