I think my fart just growled at me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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