she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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