Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
