I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
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We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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