I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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