after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
