Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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