I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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