Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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