Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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