i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Damn victory sex feels great
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
