belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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