no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
