Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
