Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
