my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
