guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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