Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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