The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
