what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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