I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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