Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's a Shit stain on my heart
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
