so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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