"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
