So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
