My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And then he peed in my hair
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