hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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