Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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