Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
