So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
