My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
