dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
