I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
