If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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