Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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