this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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