I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
