you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
