well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
