I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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