i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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