Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
