I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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