At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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