it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
