dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
