I heard we made out
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Text me some of your sweat
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
