Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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