I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
